101 Things I'm Thankful For...

(in no particular order)

1. Warm sunlight through a window
2. Fuzzy socks
3. Air conditioning
4. Indoor plumbing
5. La Jolla cove and all other beautiful places that make my soul sing.

6. Nia
7. A house to live in
8. Enough food to eat
9. Music--the language that reaches across cultures and touches the soul

10. Ryan the harpist

11. Ryan the daddy

12. Ryan, my best friend
13. My Savior
14. My mission in the British Isles Deaf Programme

photo © Daniel Steger for openphoto.net CC:Attribution-ShareAlike
15. Temples
16. Loving parents
17. My English Mum n Dad (they "adopted" me on my mission)
18. Ryan's parents, whom I love as much as those mentioned in #16
19. Sunrises, sunsets, sunrays through the clouds

20. The Book of Mormon
21. My body--all 75 trillion cells of it
22. The Muppets
23. Cuddling, etc....
24. Dolphins (If I could choose to shapeshift into any animal, it would be a dolphin...unless we're including fictional creatures, while we're in the realm of imagine if...then maybe it would be a dragon...an aquatic dragon...and it would have to be a nice dragon, sort of like a uh, dolphin...dragon--a dragphin? a dolgon? a liger? ..uh, nevermind. I'd just be a dolphin.)
25. Sleep (of which I was deprived when I wrote #24)
26. Comfortable display couches (particularly during all night outlet shopping)
27. Yoga (aka the jedi mind trick that kept me virtually pain free for 3 days of contractions and the first 12 hours of labor before I decided to stop pressing my luck and get an epidural)

28. Epidurals
29. The BYU Jerusalem Center, and my parents, for giving me the opportunity to go
30. Laughter
31. Hugs
32. Thrifty brand Chocolate Malted Crunch ice cream
33. Water from the Ramona water depot
34. The pioneers
35. A living prophet
36. Dark chocolate
37. A job so fun I volunteer to do it on holidays

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38. Christmas time

39. A hot bath
40. Hot chocolate (mmm, hot dark chocolate...)
41. The first amendment
42. The answer to life, the universe and everything
43. Rainy days for cuddling with my 2 favorite boys
44. Windy days for flying a kite
45. Nights so clear, the stars seem to fill the immensity of space
46. Harvest moons
47. Mountain top vistas
48. Surfboards
49. Flip flops
50. Disposable diapers
51. My education
52. Fresh pineapple
53. The smell of fresh oranges
54. Sandcastles
55. Dreams about flying
56. Fresh squeezed juice
57. Girlfriends
58. My freedom and all those who sacrifice to maintain that freedom
59. Good books
60. Commandments
61. Tears
62. Mommy magic: where a kiss and an "I love you" make everything better
63. Poetry and the power of language to heal and to inspire
64. Family-you all deserve your own number, but then this list would really get long!

65. Family reunions

66. Porch swings
67. Little boy prayers
68. Superhero capes

69. The crunchy sound that fall leaves make
70. Puddles for stomping in
71. The opportunity to see the world again through the eyes of a 2-year-old
72. Teachers
73. Thunderstorms
74. Echoes
75. The first warm day after winter
76. The first cool day after summer
77. Disneyland and all the happy memories it holds
78. Schlitterbahn
79. Shampoo
80. Shaved legs
81. Early morning mist--as if the world wrapped itself in a blanket of peace
82. The power of a simple testimony carried by the spirit
83. Zion's Narrows
84. The ocean--its voice, its colors, its rhythm
85. The fact that you're still reading this!
86. Contagious smiles
87. Words that I need to hear, even if they're hard to hear
88. Those hard-to-hear words spoken from a place of love
89. Colors
90. Today
91. Everyday miracles
92. The power of hope
93. My eyes, that I might see the color of butterfly wings
94. My ears, that I might hear the magical sounds of things
95. My life
96. My mind
97. My heart
98. All God's creations, of which I'm a part
99. Knowing that Heavenly Father loves me
100. and You

What about #101?

101. Jae

But there's more to it, so it had to get its very own post. I'm SOOOO thankful for Jae, but I'm also thankful for all the waiting and heartache that came before Jae. Most of you know we had a long long wait before our miracle came along. We'd been married for 8 years, trying desparately to get pregnant for 6 of those years--including tests and charts and raised and dashed hopes--with the exception of a brief 10 weeks (my first pregnancy...before we lost the baby).

And I am grateful even for all of that....because I learned that:
1) No matter what happens, I am never alone. I always have comfort from my Heavenly Father and all the earthly angels (that's you) that He's sent to help me bear my burdens, if only I'm willing to share them.
2) God's timing truly is the best timing.

At any time, I would have been thankful and overjoyed at the arrival of my son. But the real miracle of it all was just how much I needed him right then...And here's the part most of you don't know. In the midst of all this, and partly--although not completely--because of all of this, I suffered through some dark depression...enough that I went to get treatment through counseling. A huge step for me, because, well...suffice to say it was really hard to bring myself to ask for that kind of help...Fortunately I wasn't so far gone, that I couldn't ask for help.

After months of that, as I was beginning to heal, beginning to come to a place where I accepted myself, and beginning to find a strength of spirit I never knew I had...a strength that came partly from facing that darkness...it was then (and after years of essentially giving up on ever having children, by the way) that suddenly and (as far as fertility test results were concerned) somewhat inexplicably, I was pregnant. With this boost, this miracle, the healing process exploded into full force, spreading to even begin to heal the hurts in our marriage that my darkness had caused....

And now? ....... I am honestly happier than I have ever been, more in love than I have ever been, more confident than I have ever been, more at peace than I have ever been.

Jae came at the time when I needed him most...the miracle of a baby to hold in my arms, a little person to care for, a light to shine into my life--casting the last of the shadows away. So before I finish I just have to say: yes, I do believe in God. Yes, I do believe that He loves me. And yes, I sincerely trust Him.

There's a book that Jae likes to read at Christmas time. It ends with the lines:

I am your hush now;
You are my lyrical.
I am your peace on Earth;
You are my miracle.

And now, to finish the list...I am thankful for:

101. Jae, my extraordinary miracle

Forever Family

I am I am I am Superman

Ryan: What's my name?

Jae: . . .

Ryan: Do you know my name?

Jae: . . .

Ryan: Is it Ryan?

Jae: Ryan!

Ryan: What's Mom's name?

Jae: . . .

Ryan: Is it Kelly?

Jae: Kelly!

Ryan: What's your name?

Jae: Superman!

Yeah, we're all rather obsessed with Superman at this house. So this year we stuck with the tradition of doing a family theme for Halloween.

Our last family theme was The Hobbit: Ryan as Gandalf, Kelly as Bilbo and Jae as Smaug the Dragon. This year we decided to go with the House of El. So Jae was Kal-el (Superman) and Ryan and Kelly were Jor-el and Lara (Superman's parents). We opted out of the shiny suits that we wore when sending Kal-el to Earth and just wore a casual family emblem (aka T-shirts with a big S on them). Jae got a cape, and Mom got one, too. "So I can play with Jae" seemed like a good excuse, but it's really just because I've wanted a cape ever since I was 5, running around the house with a towel safety pinned to my shoulders.

We even carved our very first pumpkin (yeah, somehow we both managed to get through childhood without doing that)with Superman's crest. And I even put together a Superman playlist to play at our Fortress of Solititude (aka the trunk of our car at the Trunk or Treat) which was hung with glowing green crystals from Krypton (aka Walmart glo-sticks).

We've always been comic book characters/movie fans, but Superman is definitely our favorite. Why? Because Superman's greatest strength is not his heat vision or his speed or even his ability to put up with Lois Lane. It is his virtue--his commitment to right and good no matter the cost. And after all, virtue actually comes from the Latin virtus, meaning strength. And, truly, what greater strength could there be?

But there's another reason that I love Superman. Because to me, Ryan is my Superman. He is a man of virtue...he is selfless and kind and completely devoted to what is right and true. He is a man of integrity...he lives exactly what he professes to believe...and that is a rare quality indeed. And besides, he wears glasses and he flies. :)

So Ryan, thank you for being my Superman, and for being the best kind of role model I can imagine for our little Kal-el. I love you.

Musical Moments

You may have gathered from our title and such that Jae likes to dance.

Jae dancing with his friend Natalie

He also LOVES to sing. I think he sings more than he talks. Not surprising considering the only thing guaranteed to settle him down when he was a baby was mom's singing... And when he was really upset, there was only one option: the ending of "The Phantom of the Opera"---yeah, those off the staff Aahh's. I remember driving around singing myself hoarse with that song over and over again for sometimes 20 minutes nonstop.

Anyway, the dancing and singing is usually quite adorable, but occasionally rather embarrassing. Sunday, we're sitting in church and just as the sacrament prayer ends, Jae belts out "Viva, Las Vegas !"


I don't think we stopped giggling until the meeting was over.

Blogger Denial

Ryan: So are you becoming a blogger?

Kelly: I'm just looking up links trying to get this thing set up.

Ryan: So what you're saying is: you are becoming a blogger but you're in denial.

Kelly: . . . Yes. Yes I am.


So. Here we are.

And in a shameless act of copycat-ism--for those of you who've read the blogs of my little brother--you'll find occasional blue words that will lead you to places of interest, humor, inspiration or, more likely than not, complete randomness. So be sure to click.